We Have To Stop Trying To Pleasing Everybody

by - February 17, 2015

We have to stop trying to please everybody and here's why....

Someone asks you to take on another task when your barely completing the tasks you already have and you say yes.

Someone asks you to go out when you've had a really long day and just want to go home and lay in bed watching tv, but you still say yes.

We're all guilty of doing it, saying yes when we really want to say no.

I’m just gonna throw this out there… I’m a people pleaser. I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember. Whenever someone asked me to do something I would always say yes, because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings or I would have what the younger generation has now coined as FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).

Both reasons made me feel justified in saying yes to everything, even though; on the inside I was unhappy about it. I’ve never mentioned this before, but I have an anxiety disorder. Mostly because you don’t come right out of the gate and say, “ Hi, my name is Channing Anxiety Disorder Callahan, nice to meet you.”

Just to clarify, this isn’t just run of the mill anxiety that most people get when they’re stressed. This is an actual disorder where my body reacts in a hyper sensitive way to stress. This wonderful disorder (said sarcastically) comes with panic attacks, headaches, and stomach aches. Sounds wonderful doesn’t it?

Growing up, I remember each day before school I would have stomach pains right before I went to school because I was so nervous. It did get a little better as I got older though.

This disorder played a huge part in my saying yes to everything, and not standing up enough for myself. I even had friendships where the other person took complete advantage of me, and I just let them because my anxiety got the best of me.

Well, fast forward to now, where I’m older, wiser, and a lot more knowledgeable about my disorder and am able to say no when someone asks something of me that I’m not comfortable with. I still feel a little bit bad initially after saying no, but the next day I have a clear conscience and realized I made the right decision.

That’s what I want to tell you all today. Start looking out for yourself. You have to make YOURSELF a priority. If someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, don’t feel bad saying no. Only YOU know what’s right for you, no one else.

Whether it's asking you to partake in an activity, or stretch yourself too thin when you already have a lot on your plate, remember that you have a voice and opinions and that you can make a decision to say yes or no.

[Tweet "Listen To Your Intuition. Nobody Knows You Better Than You!"]

Usually when listen to your intuition, everything works out ok. That's what it's there for. So just as a little experiment, if you are the type of person to be a people pleaser, step out of your comfort zone once in a while and say no when you feel like you should say yes, you might be surprised how good your instincts are.

I’ll leave you with that last thought and my question to you is, do you say yes all the time to things you know you can’t handle? Do you stretch yourself too thin to make others happy?

What do you think about this topic? Is it interesting to you? Leave me a comment below and as always thanks for reading!
P.S. I will probably do another post completely explaining my anxiety disorder and give you my tips for how I deal with it.

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  1. You and me both. I'm such a people pleaser and I have trouble saying no, and I struggle with anxiety. It's exhausting. One of the books on my reading list for this year is Boundaries. It's been recommended to me so many times and it deals with learning to say no in order to take better care of yourself.

  2. Hi Lisa! Thank you for the book recommendation, I'm always on the lookout for new self improvement material!

  3. I am also a people pleaser but I a, learning to say no a little better it's so tough but has to be done, thanks for sharing =)

  4. I'm not a people pleaser typically except atwork. I guess i want to show that I can take on the challenges! Itcan be stressful though.

  5. I used to be much more of a people pleaser but at some point I backed off a bit. It's not always appreciated :-( and it takes a lot to keep up.

  6. I have to admit this has never been a problem for me :D I can totally appreciate your perspective, but I don't think I've ever been a people pleaser - at least not once I left early childhood. I have to admit it makes life easier :D

  7. Yes I am so guilty of this! I also deal with anxiety and I'm an empath so I really struggle with saying no. This burned me out big time last year when I was spread way too thin. Trying to do better.

  8. Thanks for Reading! I agree, it has to be done. :)

  9. I know what you mean, it's kind of essential at work if you want to receive promotions. :)

  10. Hi Carmen! Some people also take advantage of people pleasers, they're the worst. Thanks for reading! :)

  11. People pleasers end up sacrificing their own happiness for others and it always backfires. Thank you for your honesty! :)

  12. It's a work in progress, my doctor once told me that I was "a feeler" , meaning that I tend to feel others emotions and it effects me. I think it tends to go hand in hand with people pleasing. Thanks for reading! :)

  13. I'm definitely a people pleaser too, and I most often tend to give up the things that I want if it means that the people I care about will be happier. I've gotten a little better with this in the past several years (at least I can say no now!!), but I think it'll forever be a work in progress!

  14. […] said in my Saying Yes To Everything post, that I would make a post talking about my anxiety in detail. This is that […]

  15. People pleasing has such a negative connotation attached to it, and while it's not good for you, it does mean that you have a good heart!